I’ve realised I should introduce myself before I ramble on any more.
I’m 40, female, have a 26 year history of problematic drinking behaviour and I’ve decided it really is time for a change. As this is an anonymous blog I’ll be going by the assumed name of Sam.
Since I was 14 my drinking has fluctuated between very heavy bring-it-on binging in crazy situations, to a bit too much creeping in a bit too often at home on the sofa. I have had one fairly extended period where I rarely drank but this was when I lived in a country that has decriminalised cannabis 😉
I’ve been reading sober blogs on and off for some time now and so many of them resonate with me on so many levels – lots of slow nodding with a wry half-smile sort of a response. I’ve also read a few alcohol related books and have a few more queued up in my to-read pile. The question of ‘Do I drink too much?’, ‘Is drinking trashing my health?’, ‘Shall I drink today or should I have a day off?’, ‘What could I do with my life if I didn’t spend so much time wasted on the sofa?’ and so on and so on… have been occupying far too much brain-space for some time now. I think that’s pretty indicative of a problem in itself.
As I’ve turned 40 I’ve also realised that I have a choice in how much quality of life I will have as I age. I need to lose weight (about 2 stone). I have a few minor but constantly niggling health issues to sort out. I’m currently underemployed but have a plan/goal/dream to work on for the future. Overall I feel like I’m only really living at about 50% of my potential and I suspect that wasting time and energy on alcohol is the root of this problem.
I’m beginning to see alcohol as the insidious little fucker that’s interfering with my ability to expand my life into something wider, brighter, happier and healthier. I’m treading water and I’m tired of it. Sick and tired of it.
It’s nice to meet you 🙂 x