Day 45 – Feeling much better today

I’m in a much better place today which is good. Maybe it’s because my back is feeling a lot better? Last night at work wasn’t too bad either. I’m nicely tired and just having a quick check-in online before I go to bed. My lovely cat is sprawled out on my legs and the house is quiet so I’m enjoying the peaceful moment. (*Edit* I should have kept my mouth shut, a few minutes after writing this my neighbour has just started some sort of random banging DIY noise – bugger!)

I decided to try a Beck’s blue alcohol-free beer this morning, mainly out of curiosity rather than any diversionary tactic. I know this is probably a fairly divisive issue – whether to drink ‘faux’ alcoholic drinks and I think I’d probably steer clear if I were having heavy cravings. Despite being in a bad place for a couple of days I’m not actually having much more than passing thoughts about drinking. I’ve accepted that I have some work to do on myself and my life and I know deep down that drinking won’t help sort anything out.

During a conversation a couple of days ago I referred to alcohol as my default coping mechanism which is actually a real misnomer. It could be more appropriately called a numbing mechanism, or a running away and hiding mechanism but a coping mechanism? – NO! I realise that there’s absolutely zero coping going on under the influence of alcohol – quite the opposite in fact.

Anyway, back to the alcohol-free beer… it tastes sort of like lager but it’s got an odd aftertaste. I can’t say it’s really doing much for me to be honest. There’s a certain ‘ritual’ satisfaction of opening a bottle and having a drink. I can imagine it might be good in a socialising situation where you don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb or answer lots of questions about not drinking – I’d guess that most drinkers wouldn’t register its alcohol-free status at a casual glance. It may even be nice very chilled on an occasional hot sunny afternoon in a beer garden. I don’t think it’ll become a regular after-work treat though – a nice hot chocolate or sparkling water based mocktail seems to hit the spot better.

I’m looking forward to a bit of reading and hopefully a decent amount of sleep now. Night night, have a lovely day 🙂

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