I used to love being on seesaws when I was a kid. I feel like I’ve been on one for the last few weeks and I’m not as into it now I’m an adult.
Things have been pretty good generally, nothing too dramatic has happened since I last posted. I had a couple of days of feeling really up, in a really calm and good mood for no reason in particular. I’ve also had a few spells of irritability and lethargy, again for no particular reason I can identify. There have been the odd passing thoughts about alcohol but I haven’t really been craving.
Yesterday I started reading a novel called ‘A sense of belonging’ by Erica James which has managed to included about 8 or 9 (I’ve lost count) references to drinking alcohol within the first 54 pages. Couples and friends and tourists are all happily drinking away at the drop of a hat. I probably wouldn’t have particularly noted it before but now I do and it seems a bit excessive. It’s OK though, not too triggery – the one about drinking chilled wine on a hot sunny day did give me a fleeting ‘romantic’ memory but nothing I can’t manage. I have actually found myself thinking things like ‘That’s not going to help the situation’, or ‘You’ll have a bitching dehydration headache if you’re going to drink in the daytime sun’, which has made me smile to myself and I guess is a good sign of how my thinking is changing. It’s much closer to the ‘chick lit’ genre than I’d usually choose to read but it has some plot lines that are interesting to me at the moment so I’ll persevere.
I’ve also been trying to practise mindfulness; to stay in the moment and not get lost in thoughts. Being a visual thinker, this formed into a picture in my head which I’ve doodled out. My illustrations normally take days to finish so scribbling one out in 10 minutes with a leaky ballpoint feels odd, but also quite liberating. Here it is…
I’m trying to remember that spinning out in my thoughts – be they positive or negative – is all just an illusion. The only point in time that I can experience, or use to actually do anything to influence the course of my life is right here and right now. It’s so simple in theory but so hard to actually do!
I’ve started doing some yoga again which is good. My sciatica has been playing up the last couple of weeks and the nerve must be pinched because I’m getting pain through my hip and down my thigh 😦 This, and the inspiring enthusiasm of Anne at Ainsobriety has got me back on the mat which has made me feel much better already.
I’ve been binge-watching crap TV series but I’ll make allowances for that as part of going easy on myself. I haven’t lost any weight but I also haven’t gained any. I haven’t quit coffee but I’m being a bit more moderate. I’m off on holiday to Italy next week and if I can’t drink then at least I’ll be able to enjoy some good strong Italian coffee. That’s the theory anyway; I am still a bit worried about not drinking on holiday.
I think that’s about it for now. I’m aiming to post at least once a week now. I’m thinking less constantly about not drinking and am getting busy trying to do the things that will improve my life. I usually check in and read everybody else’s posts every couple of days and I love reading about what you’re all up to.
Bye for now x