I thought it was time I updated here, it’s been quite a while. I’ve been absent for a few reasons, some good, some not so good. I’ve still been reading other blogs at times and still am so appreciative of the courage and honesty displayed there even though I’ve been silent about it.
I’ve been spending any spare time on my artwork and am now soooo close to having a full enough portfolio of illustrations to start approaching people to kick off my goal of making a living from it. So that is definitely good.
My drinking has been on again, off again, going round in circles. I’ve sometimes been off for as long as 3 weeks but just keep slipping back into it. Each time I end up drinking again I seem to just push it a little harder which is obviously such a bad sign. It’s not normal or healthy to know that a full bottle of wine just isn’t going to be enough. I usually buy some cans of cider or beer *for my partner* at the same time as the wine and end up starting on that too.
I’m sick and tired, depressed and have little energy at the moment. It’s day one and I’m trying again.
I’ve been doing a lot of meditation and listening to buddhism podcasts. I love the teaching of Josh Korda from dharmapunx. Something about his talks really resonate on a deep level. It’s increasingly becoming clear to me that the low-level feelings of discomfort and alienation that I can’t ever remember not feeling is the core problem. I’ve come to the conclusion that my spiritual work and my sobriety work are inextricably linked. After reflecting on this I changed the sub-header of this blog from ‘Drinking less and living more’ to ‘Drinking less and waking up’.
Hugs to all, whatever day you’re on, I hope it’s a good one for you x