It appears that the craving shit has hit the fan today 😦
I’ve been digitising my old photos and memorabilia as part of a de-cluttering drive. Other than photos of a younger me at home with family almost every other photo I’ve scanned has shown me in raucous drinking scenarios. While it’s been lovely to look back and reminisce there has obviously been an underlying whiff of ‘drinking was sooo much fun wasn’t it?’
I’m also at my danger point of 2-3 weeks – day 16. This is the point in so many previous attempts that I’ve slunk off to the shop and bought a bottle of wine. The fact that there are 5 shops that sell alcohol within a 3 minute walk of my house doesn’t help.
Instead, I grabbed my partner and walked into town for a coffee and we picked up some bits from the supermarket. To head off my cravings I had a piece of cheesecake after not eating any refined sugar for over 2 weeks. I was surprised to find that a moderate portion was almost too much to finish but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Unfortunately the combination of craving, too much coffee and a sugar rush has left me uncomfortably restless and wired. I’ve been pacing round the house unable to decide what to do with myself. That doesn’t happen to me very often; I don’t generally do boredom. It’s making me even more cranky. It’s also exactly the kind of feeling that screams, ‘Douse me with wine, NOW!’
Some of the photos that I scanned were of my mum and it’s mother’s day in the UK. Yesterday I was going through old letters and I found the final letter she sent me before she died which triggered a bit of a cry. I guess I’ve also got some sadness thrown into the mix today.
Aarghhh! I know it will pass; things always, always pass whether we want them to or not. I already feel a bit better after writing this. I think I’ll make a big cup of tea and go play some xbox. I don’t often have just lazy unproductive time at the moment. I’m getting lots of stuff done now I’ve cut booze out but I think I need to balance that with some down time as self care today.
There was one positive thing that happened earlier. I told my partner that I was craving wine and he pointed out that he’s noticed I’m a lot happier and in a better mood when I don’t drink. It’s easy to waver in our own perception of this when we’re being influenced by the craving voices. It’s very helpful to have somebody else confirm it from an external point of view.
Enjoy your Sunday x