My latest slip descended into a flat on my face sort of fall where I just stayed down – I drank and ate sugary and gluteny crap while hardly leaving the sofa. I gained all the weight back and have given myself bad guts and skin irritation too.
The drinking didn’t ramp up past previous levels but it was instantly, click your fingers and there I am straight back into it with a vengeance, day in day out – even after almost 6 weeks abstinence. I’m shocked by the level of dysfunctional, obsessive thinking and ‘fuck it’ behaviour that accompanied it. I don’t know why I’m shocked, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before. I somehow seem to forget and gloss it over with the ‘I’m not that bad’ variety of thoughts.
I feel physically low, I have no energy and lots of pain in various places. Psychologically I feel tired and defeated. It’s time to get back on track and recover from this detour. Day 1 feels like sanctuary – though I’ll probably need reminding of this, particularly in about 3-4 weeks.