Back again

My latest slip descended into a flat on my face sort of fall where I just stayed down – I drank and ate sugary and gluteny crap while hardly leaving the sofa. I gained all the weight back and have given myself bad guts and skin irritation too.

The drinking didn’t ramp up past previous levels but it was instantly, click your fingers and there I am straight back into it with a vengeance, day in day out – even after almost 6 weeks abstinence. I’m shocked by the level of dysfunctional, obsessive thinking and ‘fuck it’ behaviour that accompanied it. I don’t know why I’m shocked, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before. I somehow seem to forget and gloss it over with the ‘I’m not that bad’ variety of thoughts.

I feel physically low, I have no energy and lots of pain in various places. Psychologically I feel tired and defeated. It’s time to get back on track and recover from this detour. Day 1 feels like sanctuary – though I’ll probably need reminding of this, particularly in about 3-4 weeks.

 

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12 thoughts on “Back again

  1. dignotion May 15, 2016 / 5:56 pm

    I am glad you are back. I am having the same struggle. Let’s both keep going….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. winoholicblog May 15, 2016 / 11:11 pm

    It is hard, the further you get from when you stopped because you tend to “forget” the reasons why you stopped. The other day i was really craving lemonade beer which i liked in the warm weather. When this happens i try to imagine how the drink would play out and that helps thing. I would be in the same boat being like screw this, i drank now, why not have some more?
    Just be strong, you can do it

    Like

    • tiredoftreadingwater May 16, 2016 / 8:09 am

      The sunny weather is a huge trigger for me too… garden=wine… I will try to be stronger and less forgetful x

      Like

  3. sobertaichi May 16, 2016 / 1:13 am

    Like Dignotion, I too am facing the same struggle. It seems so easy to slip right back in. I’m so strong and disciplined in so many other areas, as are many of us. But like untipsy said, never give up. That’s for me, too. Glad you are back. Keep at it. We will beat this thing. Eventually we will. I believe that . πŸ™‚

    Like

    • tiredoftreadingwater May 16, 2016 / 8:12 am

      If we keep putting together as much sober time as possible I think we all can make it stick in the long run. Keep going, I’ll keep going too, take care x

      Like

    • tiredoftreadingwater June 16, 2016 / 1:18 pm

      Hi Nelson, what a lovely, lovely comment – I’m really touched. I’ve been ignoring my blog so sorry for my delay in replying. I’ve been in a bad place the last few weeks but I’m back again, it’s time… Thank you again πŸ™‚

      Like

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