Day 44 – feeling a bit wobbly

I’m having pointless ‘romancing the drink’ feelings today. There’s no obvious reason for it, I’m not stressed about anything obvious. I’m a bit bored and restless but nothing extreme. I’m imagining sitting in the garden with a bottle of wine ‘just because’. I’m not going to do it. It’ll pass.

Wednesday was quite stressful. I took my cat to the vets for her annual booster jabs and check up. She was not impressed. I was stressed trying to get her into the carry basket. Anybody that has had a cat knows that they can transform themselves from sleek and streamlined into the most awkward, unmanageable shape in the universe if they decide they don’t want to be stuffed into that box. I hated the stroppy squawk she gave when I finally forced her in there – the feline equivalent of shouting ‘BITCH!’ I imagine.

My partner drove while I held the basket on my lap and my heart sank watching her panicked face and I tried to soothe her as she cried and yowled all the way there. Her ears were flat back as she was pricked, prodded and poked and had a worming tablet shoved down her throat. Then the vet informed us she’d put on too much weight and I lapsed into a sanctimonious cow moment and told my partner off there and then, in front of the vet.

We’ve been arguing for months about him being too soft and giving her too many treat biscuits as well as her regular food. I’ve been trying to set boundaries and routines but each time my back was turned he’d be giving her handfuls of treats. I’ve asked him over and over again to back off the treats but it’s fallen on deaf ears. The vet warned us we were signing her up for diabetes if we carried on. I feel bad that I let my frustration and stress spill out on the spot instead of waiting until we were in private but I also know that the vet’s warnings have done the trick. He’s respecting boundaries now.

The cat isn’t impressed. She’s manipulated him into a ‘treats on demand’ scenario and is completely addicted to them. Yesterday was the first day of her new strict routine and she was a maniac. My day started at 3am when she stuck her claws into the arch of my foot (there are a million more pleasant ways to wake up than that). It was poking out at the bottom of the bed and she upped the ante from using the frame as a scratching post. Then she ran rampage making lots of noise and starting paddling against an ajar cupboard door on the landing. Thud, bang, clunk, clunk – it’s not the best noise to be making at that time in a terraced house. I eventually got up because it was obvious I wasn’t getting back to sleep. She’s generally a good cat so I figured something was up with her.

I went downstairs and after watching her for a few of moments it became obvious she was in some sort of treat addiction withdrawal. She was jumping up into her usual treat spot, staring across the room where the treats are stored, squirming her back up to look cuter and every trick in the book she knows. I made a pot of coffee for myself and then finally gave her a new smaller portion of treats which she ate with a desperate speed and kept trying to get me to give her more. I cuddled and stroked her instead and talked her down. I told her I knew she was breaking a habit and it was hard but she’d adapt – it would pass. Then I laughed at myself because I was actually being my cat’s addiction counsellor. WTF?! πŸ˜€ She’s much more settled today fortunately.

I wish I was more settled. I’ve been eating crap and drinking too much coffee. I have done some constructive stuff but I’ve now got a serious case of the can’t be bothered feeling. I might have to write off the rest of today with some gaming or netflix. I’d rather do that than drink. That mythical ‘magical’ drinking moment in the sun wouldn’t happen. I’d overshoot that by miles, cane the whole bottle, and some, and end up feeling shit. I’d also restart the obsessive thinking loops and go back to square one.

It’s just not worth it. I’ll keep telling myself that. IT’S NOT WORTH IT!

I hope you’re all having a better day x

 

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17 thoughts on “Day 44 – feeling a bit wobbly

  1. soberisland July 29, 2016 / 1:07 pm

    It would be so nice to check out and to feel the effects of alcohol BUT this side is better. I love waking up without a hangover. There are so many benefits to not drinking, there are just so hard to see sometimes. I’m also having cat issues. They keep pooping in places that are not their box. We’ve been to the vet and they are fine. Have a good weekend

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 29, 2016 / 7:12 pm

      You’re right. This side is much better. Sorry about the random cat pooping, they can be real fur demons sometimes 😦 Thanks for your support x

      Liked by 1 person

  2. noddysober July 29, 2016 / 5:11 pm

    This will pass. If you drink, you’ll regret it and have to start all over again. There is no going back to normal drinking for us. Hang in there, these thoughts will go in time. Hope you feel better soon. Noddy X

    Liked by 3 people

  3. thenewnewguy July 29, 2016 / 6:02 pm

    Sorry you are having a crappy day. I couldn’t help but laugh a bit at the concept of you becoming a Cat Addiction Counselor. Sounds like a new job category that could be highly in demand! But in all seriousness, sorry for the crappy day and congrats on muddling through without drink. It gets better. Really.

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 29, 2016 / 7:17 pm

      Thank you for your kind words. I made it through ok in the end. I can totally believe it gets better and better but I guess there will be moments it’s hard to remember that.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lily 🌷 July 29, 2016 / 8:46 pm

    I hate days like this. They are less frequent, but still happen. Then again I had a LOt of very crappy days when I was drinking, full of guilt, shame and self loathing; not sorry to see the back of them … Hope you are feeling more settled now Lily 🌷x

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 31, 2016 / 9:45 am

      That’s a good point about the super-crappy days that result from drinking, it really helps to think about it like that. Things are much better again now. Thanks for your support Lily x

      Like

  5. nomore4116 July 30, 2016 / 12:40 am

    lol, cat addiction counselor! My dog is the same way. He’s so addicted to morning treats we actually have to force him to go potty outside before he gets one. Insane how animals can get stuck in addictive habits.

    Glad you made it thru! Nothing is worth going back to drinking.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 30, 2016 / 9:56 am

      Thanks! I’m fine now, through to the other side again and feeling much better. I’m so glad I didn’t cave in and drink x

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Christina July 30, 2016 / 3:43 pm

    Make sure you leave us a link to cat’s addiction blog: Treats No More! (or similar). This made me laugh, my husky outdoor tomcats get “fat shamed” at the vet, all they eat is Costco cat food and the occasional critter (how many calories are really in a mouse??). Hope your weekend is relaxed. If you need to do a lot of nothing then that’s what you need. At least you won’t be struggling alone, cat will commiserate:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 31, 2016 / 9:40 am

      Hi! Your comment really made me laugh πŸ˜€ I’m working all weekend so I won’t have time to even begin thinking about drinking. I hope you and your fat cats have a lovely sober weekend too x

      Like

  7. HabitDone July 31, 2016 / 3:52 am

    For what its worth, I was having a crappy day yesterday and read this last night before bed. The part about the cat made me laugh out loud and put me in a much better mood. It took me the last half hour going through blogs to find out who wrote it since I couldn’t remember as I wanted to comment. I just wanted to say sorry for the cat issues but I loved that you could relate to her addiction! I could too! So glad it seems you made it through tbe wobble!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 31, 2016 / 9:53 am

      Hello! Thanks for visiting and for your lovely comment. I’m very happy that my weird cat lady behaviour helped to put you in a better mood. It was a strange experience but I sometimes wonder if I understand animals more than people. I’ll come and check out your blog too. Take care, be well x

      Like

  8. Untipsyteacher July 31, 2016 / 4:46 pm

    Dear TOTW,
    I understand crappy days!
    I have good days, bad days, and so so days.
    When I used to drink, it made the better days better, for about one glass.
    Then it made everything way worse.
    I am so glad you didn’t drink.
    Drinking would not have made your cat any skinnier!
    xoxo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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