Day 52

I’m creeping up on my record of 58 days and feeling good about my chances of passing that this time round. I have had a few bursts of emptiness, restlessness and craving but I’ve been able to dismiss them reasonably quickly this week.

Yesterday I had a quintessential morning of relaxation and self care. I sat and meditated for almost an hour followed by an hour of yoga. After the yoga I crashed out on the mat and meditated some more to a recording of sea and river sounds. I had started with woodland sounds but my cat was freaking out looking round the bedroom for where the birds were at so I switched it. I finished off with a long soak in the bath with a novel. Lovely! I felt amazing afterwards, I really should make an effort to do all that regularly. Even a 10 minute meditation session daily makes a difference.

I’m not feeling physically great today though, I have a sore throat and feel like I’m coming down with a cold. I have a lot of fatigue, shortness of breath and muscle weakness with some recently added dizziness for good measure. My lower legs are also going randomly numb or tingly. I don’t know if this is some long drawn out withdrawal thing or just my untreated thyroid being cranky. I should go back to my GP but I don’t hold much hope of getting any help if past visits are anything to go by. Although I’m happy with my downsizing choices in life, the only time I regret turning away from a high income is when I’m dealing with health stuff – I wish I still had the money to get private help. Hey ho…

I seriously think I need to quit coffee because I keep having a horrible feeling as if I’ve drunk too much of it, even when I haven’t had that much. It’s as close to anxiety as I’ve been for many years and I really don’t want to go back there. I keep saying I’ll quit, but I go into an addictive loop of thoughts and behaviour which are so similar to the ones I have around alcohol. Cross addiction? Yes, I think so! I’m using it to alter my state of mind, for which it’s pretty effective but I’m definitely suffering adverse effect from it, which are crap, but don’t stop me from doing it all over again the next day. Sound familiar? 😉

Well, that turned into a bit of a whinge-fest. Please come back pink clound and rescue the world from my grumpiness. It’s really not all bad. I’ve done lots of reading, sleeping, listening to podcasts, artwork, decluttering, soap making, sitting in the garden and other such happy, constructive things. I’ll end on that more positive note.

Hugs to anybody who’s struggling. Have a lovely sober weekend folks x

 

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14 thoughts on “Day 52

  1. HabitDone August 6, 2016 / 2:28 pm

    Yep, this is about where the blahs kicked in for me. Sounds like it did for you last time as well. Sit with it for awhile. Drinking again will only make you feel worse. I keep re-reading your earlier posts. They are a great reminder of what might happen if I ever decide to start again. Thank you for posting of your previous struggles. Hang in there, keep blogging and before you know it you will be at 100. I hope your medical symptoms subside too.

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater August 7, 2016 / 7:41 am

      Hi HD! I’m determined not to go back to drinking but I know I need to keep working at it. Last time I was still doing ok at day 58 but I got derailed in a beautiful wine bar in Venice, hence my decision not to go away anywhere this summer so I don’t fall into the same trap. I should re-read my earlier posts too, it’s a great idea. The medical weirdness has been coming and going for a decade now so I’m used to it, it’ll be ok. Thanks, take care x

      Like

  2. ainsobriety August 6, 2016 / 2:48 pm

    Recent information points to coffee being very healthy.

    Consider it a supportive drink.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Your body is still healing. It takes time.

    Liked by 4 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater August 7, 2016 / 7:32 am

      Thanks, Anne. I’ve decided to cut down to the minimum, ideally just my lovely first mug of the day, with coconut oil. I’ll get some decaf too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. soberisland August 6, 2016 / 3:49 pm

    I’m concerned that your limbs are tingling. And the dizziness. I had to look up hashimoto so I don’t really know but take care of yourself. I’m overkill on the coffee too. Happy Day 52.

    Like

    • tiredoftreadingwater August 7, 2016 / 7:29 am

      Don’t worry, tingling limbs are a daily occurrence for me, it’s nothing new. The dizziness is though, I’ll keep an eye on it and get checked out if it continues. Glad to know I’m not the only coffee monster! Thanks, take care 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. noddysober August 6, 2016 / 6:22 pm

    Well done on 52 days!! I hope your physical ailments clear up soon. I’m sure this is your time and you’ll pass 58 days with a breeze. I too get anxiety if I drink to much coffee. Just try to cut down rather than quit, providing it doesn’t jeopardize your sobriety. Good luck x

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater August 7, 2016 / 7:26 am

      Thanks Noddy! I’ll cut down and add a bit of decaf I think. Hopefully this is my time, I’m determined to make it be 🙂 x

      Like

  5. Tori August 7, 2016 / 6:20 am

    Well done on 52 days -awesome! I try and drink decaf most of the time. There aren’t that many decaf beans around but I’ve found some I really like and I’m sticking to those. Like Anne said, coffee is good for you!

    Keep going. You are doing great. X

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater August 7, 2016 / 7:24 am

      Hi Tori, thanks for your lovely comment. Maybe I’ll mix some decaf and normal coffee for now and come to a compromise 🙂

      Like

  6. suburbanbetty August 7, 2016 / 5:04 pm

    Too much caffeine makes me feel like my head will explode so I need to be careful too. I have had dizziness and vertigo occasionally for years, finally self-diagnosed as migraine symptoms, aided by lying down in the dark for several hours (which, incidentally cures almost anything ).
    Well done on your 52 days! Keep it up, it’s not always magic but it’s always worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater August 8, 2016 / 8:06 am

      Lying down in the dark for several hours sounds great to somebody who does most of their lying down in daylight hours! I’ll keep going, it’s definitely worth it 🙂 x

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Untipsyteacher August 7, 2016 / 10:50 pm

    Oh yes, coffee!
    I swear by it, but I too find it can make me have heartburn, etc.
    But, if I just drink it in the am, and then switch to half-calf in the afternoon, it is much better!
    I am sorry you don’t feel the best.
    I hate getting a cold!
    52 days is wonderful, and although being sober doesn’t always mean great days, it is better than before!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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