I had to check my day counting app to find out how many days I am at. In previous attempts to quit I’ve often found the first couple of weeks to be the easier, gentler part of the process and I’m having a similar experience again. Apart from my 2-day headache and some occasional fleeting thoughts about wine it has been pretty uneventful during the last 12 days.
To me, early sobriety often feels like the feeling you get when you slip into clean, fresh cotton sheets. It’s a rest and respite, a break from the self-abuse, breathing space for my poor knackered body. The struggle comes for me when the sober sheets have become crumpled, sweaty and covered in cat hairs. The doubts and bargaining come a few weeks in when the novelty has worn off. I guess I’ve had enough attempts over the last 2 years to know this about myself by now.
Yesterday I went shopping in town which I always find exhausting. Busy places just drain my energy. When I got home I had an aimless, tired but restless feeling. I didn’t know what to do with myself and felt too flat to do anything productive but I was thinking I shouldn’t really go to bed. I recognised it as exactly the kind of feeling I would spend an afternoon into evening drinking away. To hell with shoulds/shouldn’ts, I went to bed and ended up sleeping until midnight and then I got up and fell asleep on the sofa again about 3 hours later. I can hardly believe how much I’ve slept this time around.
I’ve been trying to look after myself a bit better. I bought a rebounder and I absolutely love it. I’ve only skipped a day if I feel ill or am in pain and all other days I’ve thoroughly enjoyed bouncing around and getting a sweat on. Apparently there are huge amounts of lymph channels within the liver and as rebounding is supposed to be great for moving the lymph it figures that it may be good for helping my poor liver to detox and recover from any booze damage. I also bought a hard skin remover for my feet. I’m not generally one for buying beauty gadgets but I realised my feet made a hard tapping noise when I hit them with my finger nails (nice!!), and the hard skin is getting painful 😦
There’s something I’ve been meaning to mention for a while now. I’m unable to leave a comment on blogspot blogs. When I go there and try to use my wordpress ID it looks like it’s accepting it but when the comment is previewed it’s defaulting to an old google ID that I don’t even remember setting up. I’m looking for a way around this but I just wanted to let my blogger using visitors know that I’m not ignoring you. I really appreciate the comments and support that come from you and I’m sorry I can’t reciprocate at the moment. Does anybody else have the same problem or know a way around this?
I think it’s time to go and supervise some cat chaos. I can hear my cat growling and screeching through the cat flap at a visitor trying to make friends with her. It’s a daily ritual at the moment.
Strength and hugs to anybody struggling, have a good, sober day folks 🙂 x