Day 19 – almost 3 weeks

Things are going well at the moment. I’m still sleeping phenomenal amounts but it’s quite enjoyable, particularly as I’ve now got 9 days off work.

Something interesting happened last night, my partner came home with a bottle of red wine. When he first walked in my eyes fixed immediately on the bottle in shock. ‘How could he?!’ was my first thought but I stayed calm and asked if the bottle was for me. It turned out that a work colleague had given it to him to thank him for something. I asked if he minded me putting it at the back of the pantry and forgetting about it and he was fine with this. Drama and upset averted, that’s exactly what I did.

I’m quite proud of my calm response to this but what I’m more happy about is that it actually wasn’t that big a deal. During previous attempts that could easily have sent me off the rails but this time it didn’t really hold much appeal. That’s a pleasant surprise and a good sign I think.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about a strange conversation I had with my dad a while ago. I can’t remember the context exactly but I think we were talking about weight gain and bingeing on too many christmas munchies. At one point he said ‘At least we don’t binge drink eh?’ I was speechless for a second or so but I quickly moved on to avoid being given away by my silence.

I’ve had very mixed feelings about this moment. Part of me is happy that he doesn’t have any idea about my drinking. I’m lucky that my dad is a slightly old fashioned but lovely man who has always tried to do his best for me, and views me through idealistic eyes. Part of me is also sad that he doesn’t really, truly know me at all. I don’t know how many years he has left but I don’t want to taint them with the knowledge that his ‘sweet’ daughter actually has a seriously dark side that has rarely met a drink or drug she didn’t like. It does make me sad that I’m hiding away a big chunk of my true nature though šŸ˜¦

To finish on a lighter note, I also discovered that classic disco music combined with rebounding is a pretty effective antidote to those restless/craving moments and I can feel yet another snooze coming on Zzzz

Have a good sober day x

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12 thoughts on “Day 19 – almost 3 weeks

  1. gagalgoingdry January 19, 2017 / 2:11 pm

    I thought the same thing about my parents but sometimes they know way more than you think, no matter how old you are….unconditional love is what parents provide….don’t think that he would love you any less because of your “dark” side….sometimes the guilt is what keeps us mired in the habit….congrats on day 19…I’m right there with you!

    Liked by 4 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater January 19, 2017 / 5:08 pm

      Thank you, congrats to you too šŸ™‚ I do sometimes wonder about that, in the past he’s figured out stuff about my relationships long before I’ve announced anything.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. shehidbehindtheglass January 19, 2017 / 4:40 pm

    Congrats on 19 days! That’s awesome šŸ™‚
    I love disco music haha, I would love to be coordinated enough to actually dance well to it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elizabeth January 20, 2017 / 7:23 pm

    Good for you on how you handled that bottle of red. Not sure what my response would have been. Don’t think I could trust myself with it in the house yet.

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater January 21, 2017 / 8:01 am

      It was edging into my consciousness a bit yesterday which was probably a bit dangerous. I feel fine about it today though. It’s good in a way, to have the challenge. I remember keeping tobacco around in the house back when I quit smoking.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Paul S January 21, 2017 / 12:10 am

    I was beaten to the comment about our parents knowing more than we think they do! I know that mine do – I don’t think I had them much fooled about my drinking!

    congrats on 19 days!

    It took me a while before my wife and I could trust a bottle of wine in the house. Sometimes she’d dump the rest after she would have a glass or two (she rarely drinks) or give it away or something. Now, we’ve had two bottles sitting here for ages. We both forget that it’s even there. In the past I would have drooled at it, but it’s not even on my radar.

    That’s the joy of sobriety!

    Paul

    Liked by 3 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater January 21, 2017 / 8:05 am

      It was blipping on my radar a bit the last day or so but it really was manageable. I have 3 shops within a 2 minute walk that sell alcohol plus a 24 hour supermarket less than 5 minutes drive away. Access to alcohol was never difficult so I guess this is just one step more advanced than that. Thanks for your take on things, and support šŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Untipsyteacher January 21, 2017 / 6:56 pm

    My dad died before he knew about my problem, but my mom knew, because I would drunk call her once in awhile.
    She is so proud of me. She’s 91!
    My hubs stopped drinking to support me, and we had no alcohol in the house.
    I can have it in the house for a party now, but I send it home or dump it out afterwards.
    Congratulations on 19 days!!
    xo
    Wendy

    Like

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