Hi folks, I’m in need of a bit of support here this morning. I had a car crash about 4 hours ago. I’m not injured but I’m really badly shocked. It wasn’t my fault but try telling that to the crazy bitch that hit me. She crossed into my lane exiting a two lane roundabout and hit the rear side of my car hard enough to spin me round to end up backwards some way further down the road. And the noise! It was shockingly loud. Then I get out of the car and she’s verbally abusive, denying liability, accusing me of being drunk (yeah right!) etc. Then afterwards I’m stuck in a dangerous position unable to move without risking another crash. Fortunately I was still close to work so a phone call brought a colleague out to be ready to wave down traffic so I could move and face the right way again.
The car is driveable so I drove home, shaking and fighting the urge to cry. I arrive home and almost straight away end up in an argument with my partner because he thinks that calling MY insurance company equals admitting liability, which it doesn’t. Like I needed that on top of the just having had a scary crash.
I’ve spent most of the morning on the phone to insurance-related people and frustratingly, without video evidence or a witness statement I’m going to be forced into accepting 50/50 liability and therefore be out of pocket £200 for my excess. I’m seriously pissed off because I know it wasn’t my fault. But, keeping priorities straight, nobody got hurt, cars are just things and are repairable and the sum involved is not going to put me out on the street. I’ve been considering buying a dashcam for a while. It’s now gone to the top of my shopping list. Aarrggghh! Bollocks 😦
What is most shocking about this incident though, is during my traumatised drive home I was thinking ‘Well, if there ever was an excuse for a relapse drink, it’s this!’ Amazingly, the hooks flailing from that thought failed to grab onto anything. Yes, I’m still shaking and I’m very, very upset. Yes, I feel like I’ve been psychologically beaten senseless with a baseball bat after a crash and an argument in quick succession. BUT, I don’t want to drink. Getting drunk right now sounds like a sure way to make a very bad day even worse. Relapsing and getting a hangover would just be awful.
Sitting here with these feelings is pretty brutal though. I know I’ll calm down eventually but right now it’s rough. I have no artificial way of dousing this down, I just have to wait it out. Shit! 😦
Take care folks, I appreciate knowing you’re out there reading this. I already feel slightly better having written it all down x
tired of treading water 
Hang in there! xoxo
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Thank you! I really appreciate the support 🙂 x
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Events like these ALWAYS involve worry and anxiety. Remember to step back, look at the situation, evaluate what you know and what you feel, separate the two, then make decisions based on what you know.
You are right in calling the insurance company – calling only means you’re getting information, it does not mean you’re filing a claim. Also, most insurance companies require you to call as a condition of the contract between you and them. Of course, I don’t know legal matters, but is a lawsuit an option for the nut that hit you? Maybe a civil action can create the liability issue in your favor?
You have the right perspective, if you ask me, cars are just things and as long as it’s not ruining you, financially, it sounds like you’ll make it out of this.
But, most of all, here is a virtual hug for you today!
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I have a legal-care insurance policy and they also say the same as my insurers and their accident management company, without video/witness proof I don’t stand a chance but on the positive side it also means she won’t be able to make me take the blame either. Annoying but a pretty routine response to roundabout accidents apparently.
Thank you so much for the cyber hug, it’s much appreciated today 🙂 x
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Oh my gosh that’s super scary and frightening!! Happy you’re okay and walking away, but I know the shock you’re in. The sound, the jolt… ugh!! Hang in there lady and deep breaths. Xx
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I’m slowly calming down. This too shall pass. Thank you for your lovely comment, it really helps xx
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As Tom Petty likes to say, “waiting is the hardest part.”
My heart goes out to you this morning (morning in the US, that is). Nothing easy about cleaning up these messes. And that accident sounds horrific. I’m, at once, sorry you had to go through it, and so relieved you are OKay!
Wishing this thing will clear up. Insurance is never easy. Sounds like you have a battle in front of you. But, wishing it to be as smooth as possible.
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I’m accepting the fact that it would be a pointless fight. Tomorrow I’ll start arranging to get the car repaired so I can move on. I’m starting to feel better now, calming down and keeping it all in perspective. Thank you for your kind support, it’s much appreciated 🙂
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The most important thing is that you’re okay, everything else will work out! I’m glad you reached out for support!!!
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You’re right, it will all get sorted in the end. I’m so glad I reached out and didn’t get drunk, it really wouldn’t have helped. Thank you!! 🙂
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Same thing happened to me last year. Car totaled. Large deductible to pay. Big, huge hug. I think I felt the shock in strange ways for a few months without realizing that’s what I was going through even though I was unharmed. Take care of you!! Good job just moving forward and keeping it in perspective!
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Oh no, I’m sorry you had the same thing too, it’s horrible 😦 I’m hoping there’s no deeper, less obvious damage that could get it written off. Thank you for reaching out with your encouraging, supporting words 🙂
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Oh no, sorry to hear that and what a witch that lady is. She is clearly at fault, some people will never admit to wrong doing. Calling the insurance is the right way to go.
Good for you for not picking up, It’s hard but we get through it. Hugs
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Thank you! Frustratingly I’m being told I can’t prove anything which is crap. Today has definitely been my biggest sober ‘first’ so far. I’ll get through, it’ll pass. Thanks for your support 🙂 x
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Glad to hear you’re okay and not physically hurt. Believe you did nothing wrong, be strong in the fact alone. You did your responsibility, be proud. Now let outcome be what it is. A drink (or getting drunk for that matter) is not going to fix anything. We’re addicts, that will always be our first thought. You’re entitled to feel hurt, angry, frustrated, etc. Writing about it is always a good (and safe) release. We’ll get through this together!
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Thank you mikey for your wise and compassionate words. Although I don’t feel strong right now I know I’ll draw strength from the fact I didn’t drink.
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Sorry to hear of your troubles. That must be really nasty. I’m VERY happy you are Ok though! And yes, the addict calling you. That’s what it does, wait for weak moments and try to take over. Good that you did not drink. 🙂 Wonderful. Guess that is what it is all about: not drinking. There is no problem that can not be made worse by drinking alcohol. 🙂
xx, Feeling
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‘There is no problem that cannot be made worse by drinking alcohol’ That’s perfect 😀 Thanks for your support Feeling xx
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i am so so so sorry to hear this. anything you can do to give yourself comfort and peace these next few days…be extra kind to yourself and like you are doing with this post, continue to reach out to others. this is a time when it’s okay to ask for support and help. good thoughts and healing thoughts coming your way ❤
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I will be definitely be taking it easy for the next few days. Thank you so much for your kind words 🙂 x
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Good night- sorry sugar. I guess you don’t get the police involved in accidents? I’m glad you didn’t drink….
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The police won’t attend an accident here unless somebody is injured or the road is blocked or dangerous. I’ve been awake 28 hours now, too exhausted to function but too hyped to sleep which sucks. It’ll pass… thanks for your support, much appreciated 🙂
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Can you listen to a few meditations to chill out?
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That’s a good idea, I’ll find one on my phone.
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It worked! I fell asleep 😀
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Life is better when you are rested
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I’m so sorry. Big hug.
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Oops wrong reply button, see below 🙂
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Thanks so much Anne x
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I’m a brand new follower but when I read “BUT, I don’t want to drink.”, I smiled. I hope you’re smiling too, cos you should be so proud of yourself. Good on ya x
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Thank you 🙂 I’m still happily surprised that I didn’t want to drink, it’s a good sign x
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It really is. As I’ve explained to you before, alcohol was not my poison, but other things were. The days – and there have been a few of those – when I realised that I was done with whatever I’d previously had a problem with, was life changing. I’ve also learnt not to give myself grief if I slip backwards. I try to recall the light bulb moment and move on from there. The last line in this blog… I’ve written those EXACT words on a private blog I write for. It always makes sense once I’ve ranted on a page x
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There are so many different substances or behaviours that can warp our behaviour and lives. I agree that there are certain moments where we have big, important realisations that we can use as anchor points if we begin drifting. So many of us are so hard on ourselves, it’s a really common theme in many blogs I read, it never helps though it is tricky to stop those kind of thoughts. I’m glad you’ve made progress there 🙂 x
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Awesome.
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Thanks Elizabeth 🙂
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I’m so sorry to hear of your accident but so glad to know you’re alive. What a shitty thing to happen. Drinking would definitely make things worse and it’s great that you recognize that. Sending positive vibes your way!
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Thank you so much. I’m feeling a bit better now I’ve slept a bit but extra positivity very much needed abd gratefully received today 🙂 x
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Glad you’re feeling a little better at least!
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Thank you!
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The bad feelings will pass. I’m glad you didnt get hurt.
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Thank you 🙂 I’m starting to feel a bit better now x
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I’m so sorry my friend to learn of your accident. But am SO glad you are not hurt. A dash cam sounds like a good plan… gosh your insurance laws sound horrible over there!
You have deeply inspired me with this post and I’m sure you are inspiring many others. You see, one thing I am yet to encounter in my sobriety journey is something scary / trauma and / or death of a close friend or relative.
You say a traumatic situation like this would typically be when you’d have a drink. Me too. But the fact you thought through the drink and were able to stay cool, calm and collected is to be commended!
IM SOOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!
Take care, plenty of self care over your way this week okay?
Sending hugs and also virtual cheerleading pom-poms – yay to sobriety!
Love from NZ 💙🦋🌏🌴
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Thank you! It’s nice to think something good can come from the bad, I’m glad it inspired you. Thank you for your happy, encouraging thoughts. Hugs 🙂 x
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Hi honey, sorry to hear about the crash and about the massive shock you must have been in. It must have been truly awful and scary and to top it off the woman was abusive! Just remember that when there is a crisis/trauma your brain goes into fight of flight and it scans your history to look for things that used to make you feel better in the past. That’s why booze is the first thing I think of when I’m in shock too. I’m so glad you had time to process this and that you didn’t drink over it. I’m also very relived that you aren’t hurt. This will be such a good example to remember that you handled something so awful sober and you aced it. xxx
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Thank you hurrah! I’m still in a bit of a daze today but I’m sooo glad that I didn’t drink. It’s definitely a sober milestone I can look back on for future inspiration. Hugs 🙂 x
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Hope all is well for you today. ❤
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Well it’s been better than Wednesday was that’s for sure. I’m slowly feeling better, it’ll take time. Thank you for your lovely support x
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Ahhhh I have been in your exact same position. Sometimes I think that things happen just to test me. But there’s one thing that always helps me… the thought that there is NOTHING that could happen that taking a drink could make better. Think about it… you just got in a horrible accident. Waking up tomorrow with a hangover would certainly not make you feel any better about that! Just wanted to share something that has worked for me 🙂 hang in there, tomorrow will be a better day!!
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Hi! and thank you for your lovely comment. You’re absolutely right, ending up with all the horrible post-accident hassle and a hangover would be so much worse. I feel so grateful that I was able to see through this logic. I’m happy you’ve also been able to do this but sorry if you also had an accident. Things are slowly improving here today. Best wishes 🙂
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Oh no, sorry to hear about the accident and the frustrations of dealing with the other driver! Sometimes here I see ads in the paper or on local facebook pages from people asking for witnesses or dashcam footage from anyone else who may have been there. Would something like that work?
Hope you feel better and managed to get some sleep ❤
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There is an amazing amount of support here. I’m glad to see you made it and are doing well.
This stuff sucks and I know how you feel.
Take care and big hugs.
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Dear TOTW,
I am really sorry!! I hope you can take a day or two to recover.
Sometimes a body in shock takes several days to feel pain.
I am sending you a BIG hug!
xo
Wendy
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Thank you so much Wendy x I was actually leaving work on the 1st day of a 10 day holiday when the crash happened. Not a great way to start a holiday but at least I do have plenty of down time to recover. The hug is very gratefully received 🙂 x
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