Day 111 – a new record

As of yesterday I entered the new unexplored territory of my longest sober stretch. I drank on day 110 of my previous attempt.

I feel very different this time. Although I’m feeling unmotivated, unfocussed and unproductive in general at the moment my commitment to staying sober is one of the few things that feels fairly simple and stable. I’m amazed to find myself thinking of sobriety as an anchor whilst everything else is floating and chaotic. I was NOT expecting that but I’m not complaining.

I’m quite fascinated by the concept of decision fatigue. The idea that we only have the capacity for a certain amount of decisions each day makes sense to me. My capacity for decisions seems to have hit the floor. One moment I’m thinking ‘Maybe I’ll write something?’ but I can’t pin down a topic or wrestle my rambling thoughts into any sort of order. Next moment I’m thinking ‘Maybe I’ll do some art?’ but I can’t decide which project to work on. Same with reading, cooking, housework, to-do list and well, pretty much everything at the moment. Then I’m getting frustrated that I’m not really achieving anything with my days which starts off a whole cycle of thoughts about what I’m hoping to achieve in life. I don’t want to stack shelves forever but I don’t seem to be making any progress toward any of my other plans. Meh! At least I’m not wasting my days being hung over or poisoning myself.

Today I’m thinking of doing a mood board. I did plenty of those as a graphic designer but I’ve never done one for personal reasons. Apparently our subconscious can be more readily influenced by images that any amount of talking to ourselves (which I do quite often). I could tell myself that I wish to stay fit and healthy enough to enjoy the outdoors or I could find a picture of a mature lady looking perky mid-hike in a glorious landscape. I could tell myself all about the many benefits of decluttering or I could find a pleasing image of a clean and simple interior. I could ponder how much I want to improve my photography or I could find some stunningly inspirational images to whet my appetite. You get the general idea. I’m frustratingly scattered at the moment but I think I can handle pootling around online looking for nice pictures.

Have a good weekend you lovely sober folks πŸ™‚ x

23 thoughts on “Day 111 – a new record

  1. Untipsyteacher May 19, 2017 / 5:39 pm

    Yes, be gentle with yourself.
    I do of what you speak, however.
    When I started volunteering, I found some meaning.
    I still want to find another hobby, but I am not pushing myself this time.
    I love how you see sobriety as an anchor…that is an idea I did not think of, and it really is true.
    The world is nutty, but my sobriety gives me peace.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Elizabeth May 19, 2017 / 9:35 pm

      Wendy I so agree. The giving away of yourself is vital to getting away from the self-centeredness of it all. My priest suggested that every time I was tempted, find a way to do something for someone else. The more I get away and out of myself, the more peace I have- in spite of what’s happening in an around me.

      Liked by 3 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater May 20, 2017 / 6:26 am

      I’ve been looking at the volunteer board at my beloved country park but they always do things at the weekend when I’m working. One day… The world is most definitely nutty πŸ˜€ A bit of peace is so valuable. Hugs x

      Liked by 2 people

  2. talesfrommyliver May 20, 2017 / 8:07 pm

    I am in the same boat in that my sobriety is currently one of the main things anchoring me. How blessed are we for that!

    What is a mood board?

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater May 21, 2017 / 7:04 am

      I’m happy for you that you’re feeling blessed too. A mood board is a collage of images that represent your styles, ideas, goals etc. Kind of an old school pinterest from before pinterest was invented. Thinking about it it’s probably an old graphic design thing I’ve dug up from some forgotten part of my mind.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. NoWineImFine May 22, 2017 / 4:45 am

    Way to go my friend. I love the mood board concept I didn’t know about that before I read your article. Let’s keep doing this together ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hurrahforcoffee May 23, 2017 / 11:06 am

    Happy day 111! Omg I have decision fatigue too, I feel like a fart lost in the wind. I start 10 things and finish maybe 1 by the end of the day. I think the fact that there are so many things I want to do and I’m actually interested in doing them is overwhelming me. Drinking used to take up so much time I lost all interest in all of the things. I’m a graphic designer too, maybe I’ll make a moodboard about how organised I’d like my life and my time and my attention span to be:) xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater May 25, 2017 / 6:54 pm

      I’m sorry you’re doing the drifty thing too, it’s a pain. I guess it’s actually better to have too many things you’re into rather than not being able to get into anything at all. I know people like that, not good. The whole time management thing is definitely a work in progress πŸ™‚ x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Paul S May 25, 2017 / 1:33 pm

    Congrats on your sober time!
    I went through a phase for sure about “what am I supposed to DO now?” I didn’t have any interests or hobbies or anything like that. I wanted a PURPOSE. Eventually, and it took time, I started to open my mind and try some things. It was scary, but glad I did them. It took time because I was so used to standing outside of my life and life in general, so to find my purpose, I had to jump in. And I don’t like jumping into things!

    Anyway, listen to the wee voices that speak to you. They are often the ones that carry the biggest messages.


    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater May 25, 2017 / 6:58 pm

      I’m getting a bit more focus by listening to the creative ideas that are speaking during my meditations, they seem to be the best. Thanks for your support Paul πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. SpookyMemoryWitch May 28, 2017 / 6:40 am

    Every time you write, I find myself hanging onto every word and smiling at the many coincidences – or not smiling because I feel concern when you’re questioning yourself.

    Your writing touches me. I feel proud of what you’re achieving and how you’re achieving it. And I don’t even know you.

    That’s a powerful gift you have.

    And how many Graphic Designers are there out there stacking shelves or working on checkouts, I wonder? ❀

    Please do the mood board!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater May 30, 2017 / 7:36 am

      Thank you so much! Your comments are always so nice πŸ˜€ I’m touched that you think so highly of my writing. It does seem like we have a lot of similarities in our lives and situations.
      I bet there are quite a few talented folks hiding inside those supermarket uniforms. I know that many of the people I studied with way back never went into the design industry either by choice of by never getting their break. I did, for over a decade but got bored and dropped out. I should probably refer to myself as a wannabe illustrator/artist rather that ex-graphic designer. Better to look ahead rather than backwards I guess…
      I poked around looking for photos and it did seem to inspire and focus me. Maybe I’ll do a private pinterest board called ‘my future’ to focus even further.
      Thanks again for your lovely, positive words. Hugs πŸ™‚


      • SpookyMemoryWitch May 30, 2017 / 8:02 am

        Yes, I’m an avid Pinterester lol. I also worked in art for 10 years. I gave it all up when I had my first child, 22 years ago – yikes. I went back to College in 2011 and graduated in 2014 with an HND in Vis Com. The timing was good for me, but I was 50 then. I know age isn’t a hurdle for folk who’ve been in the industry since their teens/20’s, but it’s not as easy if you’ve left it. I always joke that I’ll be famous when I’m dead…but that’s unlikely too haha x Years ago I was chatting to a guy who was working as a cleaner in my store. I asked him if he did any other jobs and he told me he was in his final year at Med School! 3 of his workmates were doing the same course.

        Liked by 1 person

      • tiredoftreadingwater May 31, 2017 / 7:26 am

        It’s funny, the assumptions that many people make about others according to their job roles. We really have no idea what talent and knowledge people have tucked away in their personal lives πŸ™‚


      • SpookyMemoryWitch May 31, 2017 / 8:59 am

        I know. When people find out what I did, that I went back to College…they often say: “what are you doing working here?”, like that’s a real choice. I’m on a Designers page on FB and there’s a fair amount of arrogance in the industry. I’ve realised that I’m just not cut throat enough to be in that. It’s frustrating, but I think my mental health would suffer if I was. Do you think you’ll find your way back into the industry?

        Liked by 1 person

      • tiredoftreadingwater June 2, 2017 / 4:41 am

        No I won’t, not as in getting a design job again. I think one of the reasons I drank so much in my 20s was because I was a down to earth yorkshire lass living in london in something that resembled a designy, pretentious corporate version of house of cards 😦 My only interest now is freelance illustration. I get the same what are you doing… question from colleagues but they don’t understand how competitive that world is. I’d say just keep creating and putting stuff online, keep our eyes open and the right opportunity may pop up unexpectedly. I know it’s frustrating but hang in there supermarket sister πŸ˜€


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s