123 days

I was tempted to use the title, as easy as 123 but as you know, it hasn’t always been easy to get to this point. It’s 4 months! It sounds odd to say it, slightly surreal but also very, very real.

I’m feeling fortunate that at the moment it’s taking zero willpower to not drink. I just don’t want to. When I think about a large glass (bottle) of red I get a strange cognitive disconnect. When I imagine smoking a cigarette after 16 years it just seems absurd and unrealistic. I can feel a similar attitude developing in connection with alcohol but it’s still vague and a far weaker internal reaction. Hopefully this will get stronger over time.

Some niggly health issues have escalated, prompting me to get my butt off to my doctor. I’ve had some blood tests and am waiting for the results and a hospital appointment for a scan. My gut feeling is that it’s not a worst case scenario, but there’s always that horrible ‘What if?’ fear lurking deep down. The waiting is the worst part. It’s good meditation fodder along the lines of ‘This is happening, it’s my reality, it’s pointless trying to hide, run away, numb out etc’.

I’m currently about 22 hours into a water fast and feeling fairly good. It’s purely for healing and spiritual reasons and nothing to do with weight loss. It’s something I turn to when I am having health issues or feel like I need to hit the reset button. Previously my longest fast was 5 days when I was having pretty bad skin and gut problems. It helped those but didn’t do my thyroid any favours so I stick to 3 days or less now. I’m aiming for 48 hours but will adjust either way depending on how I feel. Strangely, it has coincided with ramadan and I remember doing some fasting this time last year too. Ironically my muslim-raised partner is not.

I also need to say, if you have any struggles with an eating disorder or think of it as a weight-loss plan, please don’t go there – it’s not a one size fits all kind of thing.

Fasting has long been considered a natural healing practice. Animals do it instinctively, humans tend not to. Huge amounts of our energy is used up digesting our food and processing anything undesirable which realistically includes a lot of the ingredients (and chemicals) in our modern processed foods. It takes a fair few hours without food to ramp up our natural process of autophagy allowing the body to focus more exclusively on its healing and eliminating/detoxing processes.

When I think about the logic of fasting I have a mental image of a factory. Imagine the production lines constantly running, the workers are all focussed there and completely ignore the building that houses them. Over time, the building gets dirty and falls into disrepair because nobody has done any cleaning or maintenance. Fasting seems like stopping the production lines to allow all the workers to spend a couple of days doing this essential work.

It’s going to be a quiet couple of days which I’m really happy about. I’ll do lots of reading, meditation, thinking, drawing, some very gentle yoga – all the peaceful and relaxing stuff. Despite the ups and downs, uncertainties and pain, I’m feeling pretty grateful and focussed at the moment. Last week was scattered and grumpy, next week… who knows, but I’m confident it’ll be a sober one ;D

Wishing you all a good sober week x



22 thoughts on “123 days

  1. Untipsyteacher June 1, 2017 / 12:37 am

    Happy 4 Months!
    I tried a juice fast once, and got so weak after 1.5 days. I couldn’t do it any longer.
    My moods can go all over the place, but are so much more even now that I have been sober for longer!

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater June 2, 2017 / 4:46 am

      Thanks Wendy! Did you try fasting when you were still drinking? I’m also finding my mood changes much more manageable in sobriety. Hugs x

      Liked by 1 person

      • Untipsyteacher June 2, 2017 / 4:41 pm

        I did.
        I just think I need a little more food. I can fast for half a day and be fine!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. J.R. Valdes June 1, 2017 / 2:13 am

    Thanks for the post, I never knew that fasting could be very healthy. I think I might like to try it, because my eating habits are not very good and it makes sense that my body is using tons of energy breaking down unhealthy foods instead of daily activities…no wonder I feel so tired all the time!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater June 2, 2017 / 4:54 am

      Yeah, eating an unhealthy diet does tend to catch up with you and make you feel crap. I have learned this the hard way over the years. A good way to start is by trying restricted eating times eg. eat all your day’s food within 10 hours leaving 14 hours fast till the next day. Then try 8/16. Then maybe a 24 hour breakfast to breakfast or dinner to dinner fast. There’s lots of info online. Best wishes πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. ainsobriety June 1, 2017 / 3:23 am

    I hope your test are all good.
    I intermittent fast occasionally. But I cant do water only. My blood sugar drops too far and I become extremely hangry. I’m currently doing a cleanse. I swore a few years ago I wouldn’t get into these things, but it has been really good and I’m glad I tried it.

    Take care. Enjoy your down time!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater June 2, 2017 / 4:58 am

      Thanks Anne, fingers crossed on yhe tests. Hangry, it’s such a great descriptive word πŸ˜€ Everybody is different, anything that gives the body more of a rest than it usually gets is going to help. I’ve never tried a cleanse as such, are you doing a specific one? Hugs x


      • ainsobriety June 2, 2017 / 5:02 pm

        I’m doing the Purim cleanse.
        I have done various ones over the years. I don’t necessarily believe the body needs cleansing, but it forces me to become aware of all the bits and bites I eat unconsciously.

        Today is day 10 and I must day I feel regally good and people have commented on it.


      • tiredoftreadingwater June 5, 2017 / 7:23 am

        I hadn’t heard of that one, it sounds like it’s working wonders for you though. Enjoy! πŸ™‚


  4. SpookyMemoryWitch June 1, 2017 / 12:00 pm

    I love reading about your journey. I’ve actually never fasted. Well, I had to do a protein sparing diet for 2 weeks once, to attempt to shrink my liver (I think that’s what it was for at least – I’m not a great listener when it comes to medical matters), but it worked and I lost a stone. But, it was vile. I never want to deprive myself of carbs again cos I think the secret to success with abstinence, is to have a treat now and again. I don’t mean a treat as we once would’ve treated ourselves, but something else, something non damaging. When it comes to willpower I find I have lots of it, though I think I used my lack of it as an excuse for years. I find giving things up easy. I’m going to use that word because I’ve discovered it is, for me. I would rather feel the way I do, healthwise, than the way I did. I was convinced I’d die fat and young. I just wish I’d known about my inner strength years ago.

    Keep it up!! X

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater June 2, 2017 / 5:08 am

      I’ve also tried low carb, it didn’t go well with my physically demanding job to say the least, lol! I love starchy root veg, sweet potatoes, rice, fruit etc but try to stay away from sugary, floury sweet junk. It’s not healthy to get obsessive so I agree on the odd treat here and there. It sounds like you’ve had great success and change through dietary adjustments and have gone on to find a positive inner healthy strength. I like hearing about other people’s success, it’s inspiring πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  5. thenewnewguy June 2, 2017 / 3:56 pm

    Great work, and congratulations on 123 days. I’ve never fasted, but my wife is currently doing a cleanse which pretty much means I am doing a cleanse, too. When it comes down to it it’s pretty much: eat good food, and less of it. Can’t argue with that. Even if I really really really want to pig out on a pint of ice cream.

    Liked by 3 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater June 5, 2017 / 7:20 am

      Thank you! Enjoy your healthy eating period, I hope you feel better for it. I’m also having a sugar-free, super healthy eating period but sweet treats will definitely creep in again sometimes ;D


  6. nomore41017 June 4, 2017 / 1:39 am

    It’s refreshing to read your posts and your perspective on how you’ve progressed. I think as easy as 1-2-3 is acceptable because you’re doing very well and deserve that acknowledgement. I’m also glad to see you’re treating yourself very well and doing a lot of self love and care. I have only done minimal calorie fasts, (soup fast/ juice fast), not a water fast, but I have heard good things about the benefits and ability to allow the body to heal. I hope you get the results you’re hoping for and if nothing else, feel better and more energized.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater June 5, 2017 / 7:26 am

      Thank you πŸ™‚ It’s odd but I actually find it easier to eat nothing for a day than to have minimal calories – all or nothing again, that familiar theme… I hope you’re having a good week too x


  7. Hurrahforcoffee June 4, 2017 / 5:54 am

    Congratulations on 4 months, that is awesome!!! I’m intrigued by the water fast, is there such a thing as a coffee fast because I think I could do that? Don’t know if I’m quite ready to go without caffeine for longer that 8 hours.xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater June 5, 2017 / 7:32 am

      LOL! You could invent it and call it the hyper fast. You’ll definitely be hyper and all that coffee on an empty stomach will definitely get things moving fast if you’re anything like me ;D I’m actually trying 30 days without coffee, I’m 2 days in and have just had a tiny bit of instant to take the edge off the caffeine withdrawal headache. I hate to say it, but I do actually feel much better without it, yikes!

      Liked by 1 person

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