160 days

I’m over five months sober now. Crikey! I had a week or so of feeling really blah, just uninspired and restless. I was mourning the pink cloud days and getting into a bit of an ‘Is this it?’ sort of slump. One day I was feeling particularly scattered, frustrated and cranky so I did my self-care duty and went to the woods for a walk.

I’d been sitting on my butt for a couple of days and my right hip felt tight and painful. I started slowly and concentrated on the beautiful surroundings. Gradually my mood improved and I remembered how much I need physical activity to feel good. Once I got warmed up, I really got going. I was yomping along in a really strange mood that I can’t quite describe. I think ‘fierce’ is the best word for how I felt. It just crept up on me. I made sure I put on a friendly smile whenever I passed somebody in an attempt to not look weird or scary. I probably shouldn’t have worried though. I’ve been repeatedly told that I look sweet, innocent and even angelic (huh?) No matter what darkness is stirring on the inside, on the outside I apparently look about as badass as Bambi.

That fierce, determined feeling seems to have stuck around to a degree. I’ve been looking forwards and getting fired up by lots of creative ideas and life possibilities. I have a sense of being ready to open up and explore, to grab hold of life in a way I never could while drinking. The balance seems to have tipped even more away from the ‘look what I’m giving up’ thoughts towards the ‘holy shit, look what I’m getting!’ thoughts. I appreciate the shift very much and I hope it continues. I also accept that it may not. I’ll make the most of it for now.

I’ve set up a separate blog for my illustrated poems and other creative sobriety-related stuff. I want to keep it completely separate from here. This blog is more my personal warts and all, let it all hang out kind of space. The other one is going to be more of an inspirational quotes, ideas and resources spot. I’m still not ready to go loud and proud so I’m writing it under a pseudonym and the artwork is different enough from my more commercially aimed work that I won’t ‘out’ myself (I hope). If you’ve enjoyed the bits of poetry I’ve posted here then come and visit at relightinglife.com. That’s the only time I’ll link to it and I definitely won’t be linking from there to here. Yup, separate it is.

I now have that wonderfully, thoroughly tired feeling that only physical exertion can bring. I walked almost 9 miles this morning. My legs are aching and I’m hearing my bed calling my name. I wonder if I can managed an episode of Game of Thrones before I fall asleep? I’m going to try πŸ™‚

I hope you’ve all had a good week and wishing you a lovely weekend whatever you’re up to. Love and sober hugs x

 

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20 thoughts on “160 days

  1. bluebird487 July 7, 2017 / 7:55 pm

    Yes! As much as chore as it sometimes seems, getting some exercise makes life seem more manageable and flips your perspective. I get the “bambi syndrome” too, often at work I apologize for being so grumpy and I get a bewildered look from coworkers – I forget that they can’t see the negative thoughts emanating from my brain! Glad to hear you are feeling creative and I will check out your other site. Bravo on 160 – you rock!

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 8, 2017 / 8:33 pm

      Thank you for your lovely comment. I really do get a bit loopy if I don’t stay active, it seems I’m definitely not alone in that. The concept of coworkers being able to see each others thoughts is pretty terrifying, all hell would break loose where I work that’s for sure! πŸ™‚

      Like

  2. soberisland July 7, 2017 / 11:57 pm

    Good for you! I am jealous of your walk… It’s so unbearably hot here I have been stuck in the house. I know where there is some snow- I might have to get myself there this weekend and be fierce

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 8, 2017 / 8:39 pm

      It’s been pretty hot here by our standards but nothing like the extremes you get where you are. We freak out when it gets above 30 degrees in the UK πŸ˜€ Heading for the snow sounds like a great plan, enjoy!

      Like

  3. Untipsyteacher July 8, 2017 / 12:15 am

    Happy 160 Days!!
    I wish I could find more creative things to do.
    I know walking in nature is the best thing for me, too.
    I love the word fierce.
    I’ll try to think of that tomorrow when I am at yoga sculpt!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 8, 2017 / 8:47 pm

      Thanks Wendy πŸ™‚ I think if I tried to do yoga fiercely I might break something. Also because I’m down at floor level my cat thinks it’s marvellous she can ‘assist’ by shoving her butt in my face – it’s hard to look fierce in that scenario. I can’t get enough of the woods this week, I’m off work πŸ˜€ x

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hurrahforcoffee July 8, 2017 / 5:40 am

    Amazing. Fierce is a GREAT word. Reclaim your ‘fierceness’ The poems are marvellous and I love the illustrations! xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 8, 2017 / 8:53 pm

      Thank you! It’s so nice to just loosen up and play with different illustration styles rather than aiming for a ‘signature’ style. It’s very therapeutic at the moment. The fierce thing is odd, it just popped up from nowhere. Roar!! x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. S_MW July 8, 2017 / 8:16 am

    You’re great! Proud of you. “…as badass as Bambi”. Lol xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. postcardsfromrecovery July 9, 2017 / 7:22 am

    Excercise and reinvigorated–yes! I often give up the actual walking outside for just gardening or sitting in the hammock. I compromise by exercising at the gym.

    But there is NOTHING as whole-heartedly beautiful and able to jumpstart a good mood as a walk in the woods.

    xo
    p

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nelson July 9, 2017 / 3:51 pm

    Wow, so neat to see some of what I can look forward to, when I finally get there, being and staying sober. Beautifully said, thank you!! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  8. nomore41017 July 13, 2017 / 3:35 am

    Love this fierce bambi and all. Headed over to your new site now! So excited for you! =)

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 13, 2017 / 9:40 am

      Thank you! Unfortunately fierce bambi turned into restless, cranky bambi over the last few days but she’ll be back soon I hope πŸ˜‰

      Like

  9. SP July 14, 2017 / 8:35 pm

    Exercise keeps me sane. It is how I cope and I love the feeling that my body is so capable. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 15, 2017 / 10:55 am

      Yes, absolutely! It rescued me yet again from feeling cranky yesterday. I’m glad you’ve found the exercise magic too πŸ™‚

      Like

  10. #Deamonsnightmaresthefight# July 15, 2017 / 10:08 am

    “Badass as bambi” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ ..im sober wee bit longer now tho if any help my something to do is my health and fitness.i was on a walkin stick for 5 6 yrs threw rehad no more ..getting stronger every day 😊😊..one thing i am not doin anymore is expectin instant gratification which 30 yrs of drinkin gave me…when i got this concept i hav been happier…well done on ur 5mnths freind😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater July 15, 2017 / 11:03 am

      Wow, getting rid of a walking stick sounds like huge progress, I’m happy for you. Thanks for your kind support and encouragement, I really appreciate it πŸ™‚

      Like

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