One year tomorrow

So, I hit one year tomorrow!! Woop woop! I’ll be at work so I’m posting a few hours early I guess. It’s hard to believe I’m at this milestone that once seemed enormously impossible, but here I am. If I can finally manage to do it after what seems like a million restarts then you can definitely do it too. Cheering for you all over here yayy!

One of the problems with not posting here as often is that so much stuff happens and I don’t know where to start when I do get round to writing. A lot has happened over the last month – some bad and some good.

A few weeks ago wordpress wished me a happy third blog anniversary. Three years! I was a bit surprised by that so I went back right to the beginning and sure enough, my first post was on December 29th 2014 when I was the tender age of 40 – and in a pretty tender state too. I was 44 at the weekend and I ended up in the same pub where I had my lapse last year. This year it was coffee and sparkling water and not a moment’s second thoughts πŸ˜€

A lot has changed and that change has taken a lot of time and perseverance. It was a gradual process and it was definitely worth it. If you’re doing dry January then hang in there if you’re wanting to speed things along or are wondering why you don’t feel awesome after a few weeks. Be patient and congratulate yourself for every win, every day, no matter how small they feel now. Over time it all adds up to something much bigger.

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas/Holiday season and a happy new year. I didn’t have much time off work so it was all very low-key which is how I prefer it. I actually ended up eating Turkish food, in a Hindu community centre, on a Christian celebration day which was pretty unplanned but it was certainly different. I had wanted to stay home, cook some nice food and chill out but my partner’s boss bought us tickets to this event which created a sense of obligation. I was a bit pissed off about it but once I got over my objections and just went with it it ended up being an interesting experience.

New year’s eve I was on night shift so I ended up spending midnight in the staff canteen with a few colleagues. When they popped open a couple of bottles of sparkly stuff I honestly didn’t bat an eyelid. I reached over for the bottle of schloer, poured myself a plastic glass of it, ate some munchies, and watched the guys get a bit flushed and silly and talk shit. Nobody commented on the fact that I wasn’t drinking or asked me why. People often care less than you think. I felt good afterwards that I wasn’t even the slightest bit tempted to drink although I was on a bit of a sugar rush, damn that stuff is sweet.

I still get reminders of why it’s best that I don’t drink. When I was setting off for work on NYE I spotted a sweet-looking couple walking hand in hand away from a local shop, carrying a single bottle of wine. My first thought was immediately ‘ONE bottle between TWO of you!? Are you fucking crazy?!’ I was reminded that my idea of stocking up for new year’s eve has always been somewhat different. I would feel nervous with less than two bottles for myself and then I’d buy far too much for anybody else that would be around – just in case, you know? Yeah, if you’re reading this then I know that you know. I’m so relieved I don’t have to think about all that stuff any more. Life is so much simpler now.

The low point of the month was when my elderly dad fell victim to some rogue builder crime. He’d agreed to have some guys clean his gutters out but they went on to do lots of unasked for work and then demanded an exorbitant sum of cash in an intimidating fashion. He handled it fairly well and they ended up getting less money than they wanted but it was still a significant amount. I wish he’d called the police sooner (he reported it after the event) but I think he was in shock and prioritising his personal safety (one old man against three scumbags).

When I found out about this I was absolutely gutted, and completely fucking livid! I really struggled to handle the anger sober. Adrenaline gets extremely uncomfortable if there’s enough of it and I was absolutely packed full of it that day. My thoughts were pretty dark when I considered what those cowardly bastards had done. I wished for a consequence-free few minutes with a baseball bat and other such violent thoughts. I’m kind of ashamed to write that but that’s how it was. Without dousing down the heated anger with booze I just had to sit and seethe and sizzle. Eventually it passed, as everything does. He’s OK and moving on from it as am I. No matter how bad we feel in the moment, everything really, really does pass – this is something I’m learning more and more in sobriety.

My college course started earlier in the month and I’m loving it. More about that later though, it’s a whole post of its own.

I haven’t been around here much but I’ll be catching up on blogs and seeing how everybody’s doing over the coming week though. I’m on the last day of a week off work and I’m going to spend the evening watching netflix and eating donuts – I’m such a rebel these days pffff!

Big sober hugs to all, have an awesome weekend πŸ™‚ x

 

 

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44 thoughts on “One year tomorrow

  1. ainsobriety January 26, 2018 / 6:07 pm

    Congratulations.
    Anger is a tough one. I still can go down that rabbit hole myself.
    But we are all a work in progress and at least we see it.
    That’s the power!
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater January 27, 2018 / 12:50 pm

      Thanks Anne!

      Anger is definitely still a work in progress for me, I’m getting good at not getting wound up over the little things but the big ones are still a real doozy. Progress not perfection!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. S_MW January 26, 2018 / 7:11 pm

    I was so happy to see you’d posted, ’cause I’ve missed your writing. It’s strange to read of your reaction to what happened to your dad, (arseholes – what is wrong with people? Ffs) as I’ve always seen you as the calm type. I find your writing calming. But we all have our triggers huh? I loved reading this. You are so in control and it’s brilliant to see. I’m proud!

    ” I spotted a sweet-looking couple walking hand in hand away from a local shop, carrying a single bottle of wine. My first thought was immediately β€˜ONE bottle between TWO of you!? Are you fucking crazy?!’”. Loved this! I hope you know how inspiring and real you are. Congratulations tomorrow, but I’ve never doubted you could do this!!

    Btw. Schloer is poison to me, much like alcohol would be to you. They had a Christmas drink in the canteen at mine last year too and it was the alcohol alternative (no booze at my work). I sat and sipped my sugar free squash and it sounded so like your experience that it made me smile heaps. 😁 xx Looking forward to hearing about the College thing?

    Liked by 3 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater January 27, 2018 / 1:29 pm

      It takes a hell of a lot to push me over the edge into proper anger and doesn’t happen very often at all, but when it does it’s not pretty. At least I can rein it in more effectively these days…

      I laughed straight after the one bottle reactions. While ever I still think like that then no amount of alcohol will be safe. I appreciate these reminders and need to be honest about them with myself and others.

      Yeah, no more Schloer for me for a long time ugh. Your sugar free plan sounds much better. Thank you for your lovely supportive words, I appreciate it πŸ˜€ xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • S_MW January 27, 2018 / 3:30 pm

        I’m in awe of how well you’ve done, truly x

        Liked by 1 person

      • tiredoftreadingwater March 25, 2018 / 9:49 am

        Wow! Thank you Allane! I won’t get round to doing the whole pass-it-on writing stuff but I really appreciate the nomination though πŸ˜€ You’ve probably noticed I’ve not been around for a while but I’m trying to catch up here again. I might even get a post together in the next week or so… I hope you’re well, hugs x

        Like

  3. feelingmywaybackintolife January 26, 2018 / 7:53 pm

    Congratulations on your year! Wow! That is wonderful πŸ™‚ I am happy for you! And happy for me because you are a wonderful sober girl.
    Nothing wrong with wanting some alone time with a bat and these thugs. (Funny that you add in ‘consequence free’ – because we all know that is not how it works πŸ˜‰ ) What a low, low, low, low life. Eeekhs. Well, one can take a good learning opportunity out of this to never again make agreements like this on ones own. 😦
    Happy celebration tomorrow πŸ™‚
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater January 27, 2018 / 1:32 pm

      Thank you feeling πŸ™‚ x

      I mean legally consequence-free but of course if I were to do anything like that there would be psychological consequences of course. Lessons learned and it will never happen again for sure.

      I’ve got to sleep then work so not much celebrating on the outside but I’m celebrating in my heart. Have a good weekend xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Elizabeth January 27, 2018 / 1:39 am

    I’ve so missed you totw! I am experiencing that writer’s overwhelm right now for the exact same reason… so much has happened and is happening since my last post- external as well as internal. And OMGosh…. you described my exact thought process if I were to see 2 people and 1 bottle! It was so wonderful to wake up on the first day of the year and feel good and fresh- I’m really unable to imagine my life any other way! Sorry to hear about those jerks taking advantage of your dad. My thoughts, Christian or not, would have been right along those same lines. Congratulations on 1 year and don’t stay away too long girl!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater January 27, 2018 / 1:36 pm

      Thank you Elizabeth πŸ™‚ Yes, things get busy and end up flying past with no writing. Maybe I’ll try to just do shorter posts a bit more often, I don’t want to disappear. I’ve noticed a lot of people are quieter online at the moment, it just gets like that sometimes I guess.

      I’m glad your new year is a good, fresh one, I’m happy for you and thanks for reassuring me it’s not just me that falls into the dark angry place sometimes xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Elizabeth January 28, 2018 / 1:15 am

        Yes, it’s been pretty quiet at the moment. I’ve noticed that everyone does seem to post at the same time- then nothing for a bit. Must be that mental telepathy thing! πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

  5. The OAM January 28, 2018 / 4:35 am

    Happy one year. Wishing you all of the strength and light. ❀️✨✨

    Liked by 2 people

  6. running from wine January 28, 2018 / 11:50 am

    CONGRATUALATIONS!!!! You are doing amazing and such an inspiration to us following in your footsteps. I am so sorry about your dad, but SO happy he is okay and it didn’t take a turn for the worse. Celebrate your 1 year with something special for yourself! Huge hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. MrsMac January 28, 2018 / 6:56 pm

    Congratulations on your 1 year sober! You rock. I still hate dealing uncomfortable feelings, especially anger. It’s hard to tell yourself that it will pass in the moment but it always does… eventually xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater January 30, 2018 / 5:07 pm

      Thank you Mrs Mac xx It is hard to remember but it’s getting easier over time, hopefully that continues.

      Like

  8. jwilkeson537 February 2, 2018 / 11:07 pm

    AHHH! I missed it! Happy belated one year! I am soo so so so so so so so so so HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dana Pescrillo February 3, 2018 / 4:41 pm

    Congratulations! I’m in the early stages of my sober journey, and reading what you have accomplished is inspiring! Though I started my on-line blog last June, I’ve been writing about stopping drinking since April 2015!

    Life isn’t perfect ever, but it’s much better without alcohol (for people like us who drink over the top). I look forward to really feeling as you do, and others, who have made it to the other side.

    Best of everything in 2018 to you, and thank you for the update!

    Also known as Lia @ No More

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater February 4, 2018 / 8:57 am

      Thank you! I really appreciate your kind words.

      Life is definitely better without alcohol in it. I started off by telling myself this, and listening to others promising it. Slowly, more and more days became a living proof of how true it is. Keep going, the good stuff takes a bit of time. I hope this is the start of a wonderful, sober year for you too πŸ™‚ x

      Like

  10. Putting down the glass February 4, 2018 / 11:46 am

    Congratulations on one year! So good, i hope to get there too. Sorry about what happened to your dad. Hopefully karma will get those jerks.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Eliza February 6, 2018 / 2:08 am

    Yahoo! Way to go….
    Hope you’re still doing okay πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  12. lifebeginsatfortyeightandahalf February 13, 2018 / 6:05 pm

    Big sober hugs back and Happy Anniversary xx

    Liked by 1 person

  13. lifebeginsatfortyeightandahalf February 14, 2018 / 8:31 pm

    Happy New Year and Congratulations (even though its now February!!) I’m on day 43, of which start off as Dry January, but am now desperate for it to continue, hopefully forever. Hope being back at college is going well – I’m starting a new course in 2 weeks (its all this new sober energy) and also hope there has been much naming and shaming of the rouge traders and that your dad is ok xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater March 25, 2018 / 9:45 am

      Hi! Thank you! Sorry it’s taken so long for me to reply to this, I’ve completely neglected my blog for the 10 weeks I’ve just been on the course. My dad is ok now thanks, putting it all behind him fortunately. How’s your sobering going at the moment? x

      Like

      • Genuine & Tonic March 25, 2018 / 10:55 am

        Glad your dad is ok – dads are the best xx Sobering is still winning – Day 82!! xx

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Hurrahforcoffee May 15, 2018 / 12:34 pm

    Congrats on your year…I haven’t been around much either…life gets in the way! Glad to hear you are doing well. Sorry to hear about your dad. that is just shocking! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater May 15, 2018 / 12:38 pm

      Thanks hon! It’s almost 16 months now which is hard to believe. I’ve totally neglected blogging for ages though. Dad is fine now, time did it’s thing on the situation. Sounds like you’re doing great too and I hope the creative stuff is buzzing for you too xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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