Why not today?

This morning I got home after work with an aching shoulder and the feeling that I may be heading ino a stomach bug. It was a long, hard night. People were cranky and arguing and the manager moped around with a face like a slapped arse. Maybe the heat is getting to everybody? I don’t know. Despite this, the poetry muse decided to make an appearance. Seriously?! Now?! I know better than to ignore it so I got a pen and pad and off I went.

Last night I was thinking loads about a few of the recent blogs posts I’ve read. Some were from new people contemplating the possibility of quitting.  Some were from the newly sober and doubt-ridden and some from people returning for another sobriety attempt. I think this poem was inspired by you and is for you all. It’s quite long and gets a little dark but as I still have no idea where it comes from, you can complain to whoever is pushing these words into my head ;D


Why not today?

You are going to quit, just not today

What’s the rush? you think

Maybe tomorrow? I hear you say

Wolfie gives me a big sly wink

Or maybe next week? There’s an idea

One last weekend to riot

It’s a busy month, my friends are all here

Maybe next month? Then I’ll be quiet

You don’t think it wise to hurry and push

Life is for living you know

There’s always next year, what’s the big rush?

You’re still only young, time will go slow

Without your permission the years jump ahead

Plans fall apart, dreams fade and die

Yeah, I’ll quit soon, you repeatedly said

Why not today? You glower and sigh

Maybe next decade? That will be time

to slow down and settle myself

Yes, later you say. And then I’ll be fine

I still have my money, my mind and my health

Later creeps in, as quick as a flash

Breaking your body and dimming your sight

The life in your veins a dwindling stash

You’re starting to fear that long dark night

You can’t quit now! You need your best friend

The one that’s two-faced and sold you all lies

Who’s going to comfort me, right till the end?

The one that hid truth and stifled the cries

of your heart in the dark, it’s magic unfound

Your true life unlived, your time has run out

Too many laters, much skirting around

the issue at hand. Too much fear and doubt

I’m leaving you now, the false friend decides

so many will follow you here

My next victim waits for their fantasy ride

Hoping to take away all pain and fear

So long, no hard feelings, it was just a con

but maybe it’s still not too late?

For your heart to flourish and sing its song

For your eyes to open and soul to wake

So scream and shout, grieve and cry

then cast it out, don’t allow it to take

and more of your life, it’s time to fly

So, why not today? It’s worth a try


 

I’ve taken some oregano oil and some grapefruit seed extract which are truly two of the most challenging flavours on the face of the earth. They are both reputed to be potently anti-bacterial, anti-viral and hopefully anti-spending my day puking with my face in the toilet. Fingers crossed! I’m off to bed.

Have a good day folks x

 

Day 44 – the 30 day trial period has expired… please pay for the full product

I’ve had a hell of a few days. In fact I’ve had an intense couple of weeks. The first 30 days seemed fairly easy but now things are getting much scarier.

I’ve finally had tears, lots of tears and stress. Fear is another biggie. My head keeps galloping off to scary places, scary possibilities and projections. I’ve had regrets for the past, for life choices I’ve made, fears for the immediate and further future. There’s been stress at work and at home with my partner and now to top it off I’ve got a bad back. I’ve had all sorts of stuff going on in my head but I’m currently in my rinse and repeat cycle of work so I’m about to go to sleep and don’t have time to write about it.

I’ve just downloaded a couple of books written by Pema Chodron. I’ve heard consistently good things about her buddhist teachings and a friend recommended that I read some of her stuff a while ago. One book is called ‘When things fall apart’ and the other is called ‘The places that scare you’. They both sound very appropriate at the moment.

It isn’t all dark scary doom and gloom at the moment though. I didn’t drink which is one bright light and victory. The other good thing is that I seem to have developed a fixation with writing comical rhymes. I have no idea where it’s come from but I’m always happy to discover a new form of creative outlet. Here’s one about red wine…

An ode to red wine

Red, red wine I loved you for so long
You promised the world and then did me wrong
You made me giggle and sing and twirl
And then went too far and made me hurl
If one feels so good then more must be great?
It’s the trap that leads to a sorry-ass state
Like a bad one night stand in the morning you’ve fled
Leaving me here with a stomping bad head
The questions begin, the anxiety swells
Did i really do that?! Oh my god, fucking hell!