Today is day 26 so I passed a quarter of the way towards finishing the 100 day challenge. That still seems like such a long way off and I’m trying to think only one day at a time.
I’ve had a couple of difficult moments this week. I had some really sudden and strong wine cravings. I really wanted to grab a bottle of wine on more than one occasion but I didn’t. Last night I was pacing round the house with that familiar looming ’emptiness that needs filling’ feeling. It didn’t help that I had a stomping coffee-reducing headache. I just felt bored and ‘blah’ but instead of drinking I watched a ton of House of Cards on netflix and it got me through. I’m fortunately back to feeling better about it all today and glad that I didn’t give in to the cravings.
I’m really appreciating getting back to that sober state where shit gets done. I’ve done so much stuff around the house and garden; nothing big and dramatic but lots of little bits that slowly add up to noticeable improvements. When I allow drink into my life I tend to spend a lot of time being drunk, lazy and doing bugger all around the house. Then I suddenly look around and think, OMG I need to blitz and stagger around trying to catch up with myself. I think I get more done the slow and steady way but I also completely accept that I’m never going to have a ‘show home’ 😉
I feel like things are getting a bit harder now. The initial novelty and elation of the first few weeks has passed but the ease and bigger rewards that are promised further down the line still seem a world away. It feels like I’m entering some sort of limbo state that has to be waded through for now. I’m trying to think about interesting and positive options that could open up with a sober future. These thoughts at least combat the fear and negativity future thoughts. Mostly I’m just trying to stay present and to deal with the day ahead.
I’m going to try to do some creative stuff today as well as ‘useful’ stuff. Taking time out for creativity is an important part of my self-pampering which I’ve let slip a bit the last few days. I was considering going out to do some shopping but I actually don’t really feel like it so I won’t. There’s nothing I need urgently and I’m a reluctant shopper at the best of times. I think it would be more useful to wait until I’m more in the mood for it later in the week.
The sun has just come out here which will help to boost my mood. Have a lovely sober Monday everybody. Love and hugs to anybody who’s struggling x
tired of treading water 