10 weeks

Fortunately it’s been one of those blessed weeks where I’ve had no cravings. My mind has been peaceful and free from those dreaded one-person debates, bargaining, fear or denial. For this I am truly grateful.

Something else I’ve noticed this week is a shifting sense of how I perceive my days passing. It’s a bit hard to put into words. When I think back to when I was drinking I never felt like I was really living each day. Most people think of cliched excesses at the mention of ‘living life to the full’ but that’s not what I mean. I remember a feeling each week when it was time to go back to work; a feeling of not really knowing where the last few days had gone. I would have lost so much time to being drunk or hungover that I always had a sense of having done nothing. There would be small jobs left undone, ideas left unexplored, books left unread etc. I remember it as if I were looking over my own shoulder, watching my life pass by, almost as if it were happening to somebody else.

In my currently sober life I’m getting a different feeling at the end of the week. I know where my time has gone. I’ve been present in each moment. I’ve (mostly) kept on top of the little jobs, explored the ideas, read the books and so much more. I feel like I’m inhabiting my days rather than just watching them pass by. I’ve shifted my point of view from looking over my own shoulder to being properly in the centre of my body, in the centre of my days. I don’t know if that makes any sense?!

I also finally tried some non-alcoholic wine this week. It’s not something I’ve ever thought of buying before but I wanted to take some reference photographs of a wine bottle and glass of wine for an image I want to create. There’s no way I was going to do it with real red wine so I bought the NA version.

It was interesting. The flavour wouldn’t fool anybody, it tasted quite different from the real thing – far more of a difference than you get with NA beer. It wasn’t unpleasant but it wasn’t great either. It was like grape juice with some sort of extra flavour added in. I could imagine it being useful camouflage at a gathering if you wanted to ward off having to have ‘that conversation’ about not drinking. I thought there would be more of a familiarly ritualistic feeling to drinking something dark red out of a wine glass. I was cautious about this but it didn’t hit the spot in any way, it didn’t really feel satisfying. That’s not to say that it wouldn’t trigger another person who tried it, I’m just reporting how it went for me. I’ve taken my photos so I don’t think I’ll be buying it again in a hurry.

I’ve been out playing in the woods again this week. I did a long walk and then made my first attempts at foraging. I learned the hard way that nettles can sting through standard household rubber gloves. I got stung so many times that in the end my picking hand stopped registering it. It’s been many years since I got nettle stung and I forgot that it’s the sting that keeps on stinging. It’s taken 2 days for me to stop getting zingy shocks in my fingers each time I touch something.

The results were quite satisfying though. I made nettle soup, nettle and veggie thai green curry and I put a load in my dehydrator to dry for nettle tea. I’m loving my new outdoors hobbies. Next week I’m going to a different woodland in search of wild garlic. I’ve also found a fairly local research/preservation orchard (and nuttery) that encourages public picking. I’m looking ahead to find different places to explore and to pick different things as the seasons change. It feels so, so good to get excited about new things and possibilities.

I think the extra exercise is also really helping me. My mood has been fairly buoyant this week and I’m feeling fitter. Today I’ve been slouching around in leggings and I caught a look at my butt in the mirror – I think that’s slouching a bit less than it has been too πŸ˜€ Yeah!

Wishing you all a lovely, safe, sober weekend folks. Hugs and strength to anybody struggling, bye for now x

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18 thoughts on “10 weeks

  1. I Quit Wineing April 8, 2017 / 8:56 am

    Yes, it was around about the ten week mark that things started feeling slightly easier in regards to the temptation for alcohol. I really think that if you can get through the first ten weeks then you are halfway there. It really is an awful period. Well done in making it this far.
    I love the idea of foraging. I am a River Cottage fan and every time I watch it I am so inspired to go out foraging! then of course it ventures in to having my own large block of land with a cute cottage on it and growing all my own food. I love to dream. I still remember the pain of stinging nettles from childhood. I don’t think we have them here. At least not that I know. But the sound of stinging nettle soup sounds wonderful as does making your own tea. I have stinging nettle tea that I bought online and I adore it. I feel so healthy drinking it!!

    Liked by 6 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater April 9, 2017 / 8:07 am

      I’m being careful, I’ve been long past 10 weeks and then gone wrong again but I agree, it does feel like it’s getting a bit easier. I like river cottage too, the bits that I’ve seen, there’s no getting land and a cute cottage here unless you have some serious cash though – maybe one day πŸ˜‰ I hope you’re doing well πŸ™‚ x

      Liked by 2 people

  2. feelingmywaybackintolife April 8, 2017 / 9:53 am

    Congrats on your 10 weeks! You are doing great. Interesting to read how your perception of time changes. πŸ™‚ I think to understand your explanation of being more centered. I remember speaking with somebody on sobriety and that I noticed while drinking I was looking into the future and fearing that. I was clinging to memories and sad about that. Responsibility wise I was carrying the world upon my shoulders but not living my own life or caring for me. I was everywhere, but never where I actually am. I think for me, not being exactly where I am had the function of ‘not feeling’, not ‘being’. Your post makes me realise that now I am caring for the firm I work at, and not for me. I am going to shut the computer down and clean my house and be happy about that. Yes! Thank you!
    xx, Feeling

    Liked by 3 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater April 9, 2017 / 8:09 am

      Thank you feeling πŸ™‚ Self care is definitely so important and something I never got round to doing when I was drinking either. We can make up for lost time now we’re sober and be extra nice to ourselves πŸ˜‰ x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. ainsobriety April 8, 2017 / 7:11 pm

    It sounds like you are enjoying things. That’s so nice.
    I could never get into NA wine. I don’t really like juice. It seemed way to much effort.

    I much prefer coffee.

    Take care!
    Anne

    Liked by 3 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater April 9, 2017 / 8:11 am

      Thanks Anne. I definitely won’t be buying it again in a hurry, I’m not a juice person either. Hugs πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. Elizabeth April 8, 2017 / 11:49 pm

    Love the idea of foraging- but as with most (great) ideas about what I could or would do, I find when it comes right down to it….. I’d rather buy the product. Hate to admit that about myself.. lazy oaf. πŸ™‚ Good for you!! And I love what you wrote here: “I feel like I’m inhabiting my days rather than just watching them pass by. ” Captures sobriety perfectly.

    Liked by 2 people

    • tiredoftreadingwater April 9, 2017 / 8:18 am

      I can’t buy the product though, I’ve never seen nettles or wild garlic in a supermarket. I was also thinking about how our intensively farmed soils are depleted of minerals and I figured picking stuff from wild soil might be good for getting lots of nutrients too – I need all the help I can get health-wise! Thank you for your lovely feedback x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. NoWineImFine April 9, 2017 / 1:16 am

    Congratulations on ten weeks! Your perspectives on how the days go by now are interesting. We are slowly but surely living life to our maximum potential.
    Sounds like you’re enjoying lots of additional flow on benefits of being booze free like more time, more exercise and … just more living.
    Love and sober hugs from New Zealand xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater April 9, 2017 / 8:20 am

      Thank you! I definitely feel like there’s lots more potential in my days – I’m eager to find out more in the coming weeks too. Love and hugs too, hope you’re doing great x

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hurrahforcoffee April 11, 2017 / 3:51 pm

    I totally get the feeling of watching your life go by as if it were someone else. The disconnect between your true self and the addicted self is so huge. i’m also getting more done although have been really slack with fitness and eating well. Glad to hear you are still ‘forrest bathing’ x

    Liked by 1 person

    • tiredoftreadingwater April 12, 2017 / 3:11 pm

      It’s a disconnect I really don’t want to experience again, which just adds to the motivation I guess πŸ™‚ x

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Untipsyteacher April 11, 2017 / 3:58 pm

    Happy 10 weeks!!
    Exercise helps me so much!
    Walking and yoga are my biggies.
    Keep on this path! It’s awesome!!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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